Check Your Head

The other day a friend of mine called and asked me if I thought he had a big ego. I first laughed, because, well, he kind of does. But then I said “Define ego”. This led to a long layperson discussion about how different schools of psychology try to break up the human sense of self into things like ego, shadow, conscious and unconscious mind, and so on. It was a useful conversation, because my friend identified for probably the first time that a hostile (but not actually abusive) home environment as a kid had given him the need for some exaggerated self-respect, and a tough mental attitude that has actually served him well during tough times. But which ultimately has also made him a bit more frustrated on an ongoing basis as well. While my friend was picking up a small new piece of useful self knowledge, I think I probably benefited just as much, because the whole dialogue led to me suggesting he try something that I all too often forget to do myself. Something which is incredibly simple, something which would improve the whole world immensely if we ALL tried doing it once in a while. And that thing is to ask oneself, when angry, frustrated, or hurt, “what is my part in this?” I find that about 99% of the time, if I remember to check my head and see who’s really to blame for something that’s bugging me, it’s me. And acknowledging that fact then empowers me to take care of the problem, because once I see how MY part of the problem was created, I can actually fix THAT, and stop spinning my wheels worrying about everybody ELSE’S part in the problem. So the next time you’re angry, or bitter, or feeling hurt, check your head. It’s not only a great Beastie Boys album, it’s a great tool for being happier in life.